I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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