If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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