If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize