...so i touched it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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