I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
