So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
