i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just gargled with NyQuil
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize