I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Pooping to opera.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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