it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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