He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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