I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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