I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
