You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
