dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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