There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
