I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
