We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
