I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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