My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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