I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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