): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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