Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
