i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize