Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
