Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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