So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
