never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize