I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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