Only a mothe r could love this liver
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
