I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize