I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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