i just wanna soil my oats bro
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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