Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize