in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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