She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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