She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
