thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
