Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
