after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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