But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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