maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize