I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize