if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
