I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
