The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
