I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
