At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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