I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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