New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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