I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
