i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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