census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
