My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
