physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
