it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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