turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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