thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
