he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
