trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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