she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
