We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
