Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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