I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
