apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
