She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
