just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
