Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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