i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
