I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize