Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
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