Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
