My sheets look like a crime scene.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
