its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
