Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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