can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
