i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
