plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm passing your future prison.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize