I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
