someone threw a dead crab at me
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
