mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
