According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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