She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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