Plan B is the new Plan A
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
