Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
North Korea, Best Korea!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
