she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
