i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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