Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
