i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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