Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
