he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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