her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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